Ernie The Attorney

So, what about buying cameras?

Merlin Mann is Web 2.0's version of Robin Williams, maybe with a double tinge Carlin's edginess. To wit: advice on buying a camera.

Helpful advice

Here's some great advice from a guy who knows a little bit about dealing with these lawyer types.

The Plan...

According to Jack Handey, the plan isn't foolproof: "any fingerprints we leave must be erased by the monkeys."

Following Sarah Palin

Tonight's debate should be entertaining even if it promises to be uninformative. The pundits are boiling over with all manner of speculation, such as: Will Joe Biden come across as too overbearing? Will Sarah Palin commit any gaffes? Will the looming financial collapse play a factor in the debate?

My big question is this: will Sarah Palin be doing live updates to her Twitter page during the actual debate? Given her spunk, I'd bet that she will.

American (as opposed to Nigerian) email scam

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

(Thanks to Billy for sending this along)

Play by the rules. But which ones?

Most people take pride in playing by the rules. Others take pride in playing by a special set of rules: Insurance Company rules.

Gimme that Old Time Religion, procedurally speaking

As you know, I favor looking for new ways to do things in the legal profession. I don't like boilerplate language in pleadings because, first of all, no one reads it. One place where you see a lot of crusty legal prose is in the concluding section of pleadings. Many people refer to this area as the 'prayer for relief' section. That is no longer an accurate description of the section; a prayer is something solemn, or at least it's supposed to be.

Why, then, don't lawyers make the prayer section more solemn, more devotional?

I don't know. Maybe it has to do with that pesky fear of merging religion with government. Whatever. So, in keeping with my celebration of those who think outside the narrow legal box, I commend the plaintiff in this case (PDF FILE) for pushing the juridical envelope. Now we have a clear example of what a prayer for relief should look like.

Adjust your boilerplate accordingly.

Learn to negotiate from a pro

Negotiation is an art, but one that can definitely be learned. The best way to learn is by watching someone who's really good. CEOs like Donald Trump or Steve Jobs have to be great negotiators; it's a given.  I'm not much of  Trump fan, but I have often wondered how Steve Jobs negotiates.  Guess what?  Today he decided to share some of his best tips in his blog post entitled I love to F&%k with Car Salesmen.  Obviously, most of these techniques are not for beginners.

Donnie says 'you suck at Photoshop...'

Over the years I've bought a few books that were designed to teach me to use Photoshop, a wonderful image editing program that is also extremely complex.  Invariably, the manuals don't help me because they're boring.  But now it appears that I have finally found the Holy Grail of Photoshop instruction.  Some guy named Donnie has been creating video tutorials called "You Suck at Photoshop."  The tutorials are roaringly funny. 

In episode #5 Donnie plans to take a last minute beach vacation and shows you how he plans to create a hammock.  During the tutorial his boss keeps interrupting him and we discover that, while Donnie is great at Photoshop, he's a total slacker. Obviously, the whole thing is staged.  Which is what makes it so ingenious.

Law Firm Jazzercize Music

They say it's not supposed to be a 'Theme Song."  Maybe the Nixon Peabody firm meant it to be more like Jazzercize music than a theme song, but in any event now it's a full-blown brouhaha.  So put on your gym shoes and shorts and check it out. 

"Everybody's a winner at Nixon Peabody."  I'm telling you: I just can't stop singing it.