Marketing thoughts from a morning run

While I was running this morning in Lake Charles I took note of some interesting advertising slogans on billboards and signs that I passed.  It occurred to me (as my brain was low on oxygen) that most of these slogans really masked a more honest statement which we, the consuming public, would never accept if given to us directly. 

Since I was running, I thought what sort of slogan could be used to motivate people to get into shape?  I kept thinking and then eventually as I ran past a large military tank that was proudly displayed in a memorial garden near the lake, I thought about the Army's wonderful slogan: "Be All That You Can Be."

How would we translate this back into honest-speak?  After thinking about it for a very short while here's what I came up with: Let us whip your ass into shape.  You know you're too lazy to do it for yourself.